If you have traditionally read Twas the night before Christmas at this time of year this poem may sound slightly familiar. I hope it makes you laugh. Merry Christmas to everyone.
On the night before Christmas and I just couldn’t sleep
So I lay in my in my bed counting sheep after sheep
The lambs all cooked to a perfect medium rare
Adorned a lavish table set with kings fare
As the family all rested dreaming of Christmas glee
I began to fret about vanilla crème Brule
With mama in her gown and I in my chef smock
Only nine hours till dinner says the bedside clock
When down in the kitchen something was awry
Had the kitten helped himself to my pumpkin pie?
I dashed down the stair to see what was the matter
And there lie in pieces mothers’ antique platter
On what will I serve guests on the morrow?
Perhaps Aunt Rabbit has one I can borrow
A stage for the ham and turkey and mutton
With succulent flavor, dressed cute as a button
The hour now seven and the family’s still a snooze
Prep time now march not a moment to lose
As a tight wound toy soldier I haste to work
To polish and peel times not mine to shirk
Truss turkey, bake bread, stir mac into cheese
Set table, print name cards, take a break now, oh please
Though my feet will swell and back sure to ache
I’ll take no rest till the last guest gets cake
In the oven goes the ham on the stove cooks the peas
Time to rest, not so fast I’ve gifts to wrap you see
Soon out of town family will fill up this house
With no room to stir for even a mouse
Now the house is a buzz children run to and fro
Is the casserole burning? Dear turn the oven to low
I’m thinking that next year we’ll go out to eat
But Christmas won’t be Christmas if the house stays so neat
Does Ole St Nick work as hard delivering toys?
As I do for this feast that my family enjoys?
I just can’t stop this grand old tradition
If so just think of the fun we’d be missin’
True I love a proper and prim set table
Like might exist in a Rockwell picture fable
And I love to have family year after year
Sit and share in the holiday cheer
This season can be hurried and the cooking a scare
But everything always gets done by a hair
As the last guest drives away clear out of sight
A Merry Christmas its’ been again tonight.