The Twelve Pounds of Christmas

The Christmas season is usually the time of our greatest gains of the year. I hope this little poem eases the pain. Merry Christmas.

Twas the first day of Christmas

With family gathered round

The table filled with pies and such

That adds one holiday pound

Twas the second day of Christmas

And the trimming of the tree

One too many egg nogs

Thus pounds two and three

Twas the third day of Christmas

I dash from store to store

Double latte with whipped cream

Old St. Nick brings pound four

Twas the fourth day of Christmas

Grandma’s fruitcake did arrive

Hope I get that brand new belt

To make room for number five

.Twas the fifth day of Christmas

And I’m in an awful fix

One too many chocolate Santa’s

I fear my pants can’t hold pound six

Twas the sixth day of Christmas

That divinity was heaven

I couldn’t eat just one or two

Now I’ve added on pound seven

Twas the seventh day of Christmas

And I’ve overfilled my plate

Mashed potatoes overflowing

Here comes pound number eight.

Twas the eighth day of Christmas

I’ll have to stand in line

To exchange this gift for a bigger size

To make room for pound nine

Twas the ninth day of Christmas

Go rest ye gentlemen

Watch football from your easy chair

Make room for pound ten

Twas the tenth day of Christmas

The stairs creak as I go down

To the fridge for a midnight snack

This will make the eleventh pound

Twas the eleventh day of Christmas

When one of Santa’s elves

Brought me a half a box of fudge

That quickly adds pound twelve

Twas the twelfth day of Christmas

As my wish list I revise

Now all I want from Santa

Is to fit a smaller size

Happy Holiday’s to all

Is the last wish I say

These twelve pounds of Christmas

Are gone come New Years Day

On the night before Christmas...

If you have traditionally read Twas the night before Christmas at this time of year this poem may sound slightly familiar. I hope it makes you laugh. Merry Christmas to everyone.

On the night before Christmas and I just couldn’t sleep

So I lay in my in my bed counting sheep after sheep

The lambs all cooked to a perfect medium rare

Adorned a lavish table set with kings fare

As the family all rested dreaming of Christmas glee

I began to fret about vanilla crème Brule

With mama in her gown and I in my chef smock

Only nine hours till dinner says the bedside clock

When down in the kitchen something was awry

Had the kitten helped himself to my pumpkin pie?

I dashed down the stair to see what was the matter

And there lie in pieces mothers’ antique platter

On what will I serve guests on the morrow?

Perhaps Aunt Rabbit has one I can borrow

A stage for the ham and turkey and mutton

With succulent flavor, dressed cute as a button

The hour now seven and the family’s still a snooze

Prep time now march not a moment to lose

As a tight wound toy soldier I haste to work

To polish and peel times not mine to shirk

Truss turkey, bake bread, stir mac into cheese

Set table, print name cards, take a break now, oh please

Though my feet will swell and back sure to ache

I’ll take no rest till the last guest gets cake

In the oven goes the ham on the stove cooks the peas

Time to rest, not so fast I’ve gifts to wrap you see

Soon out of town family will fill up this house

With no room to stir for even a mouse

Now the house is a buzz children run to and fro

Is the casserole burning? Dear turn the oven to low

I’m thinking that next year we’ll go out to eat

But Christmas won’t be Christmas if the house stays so neat

Does Ole St Nick work as hard delivering toys?

As I do for this feast that my family enjoys?

I just can’t stop this grand old tradition

If so just think of the fun we’d be missin’

True I love a proper and prim set table

Like might exist in a Rockwell picture fable

And I love to have family year after year

Sit and share in the holiday cheer

This season can be hurried and the cooking a scare

But everything always gets done by a hair

As the last guest drives away clear out of sight

A Merry Christmas its’ been again tonight.