On the night before Christmas...

If you have traditionally read Twas the night before Christmas at this time of year this poem may sound slightly familiar. I hope it makes you laugh. Merry Christmas to everyone.

On the night before Christmas and I just couldn’t sleep

So I lay in my in my bed counting sheep after sheep

The lambs all cooked to a perfect medium rare

Adorned a lavish table set with kings fare

As the family all rested dreaming of Christmas glee

I began to fret about vanilla crème Brule

With mama in her gown and I in my chef smock

Only nine hours till dinner says the bedside clock

When down in the kitchen something was awry

Had the kitten helped himself to my pumpkin pie?

I dashed down the stair to see what was the matter

And there lie in pieces mothers’ antique platter

On what will I serve guests on the morrow?

Perhaps Aunt Rabbit has one I can borrow

A stage for the ham and turkey and mutton

With succulent flavor, dressed cute as a button

The hour now seven and the family’s still a snooze

Prep time now march not a moment to lose

As a tight wound toy soldier I haste to work

To polish and peel times not mine to shirk

Truss turkey, bake bread, stir mac into cheese

Set table, print name cards, take a break now, oh please

Though my feet will swell and back sure to ache

I’ll take no rest till the last guest gets cake

In the oven goes the ham on the stove cooks the peas

Time to rest, not so fast I’ve gifts to wrap you see

Soon out of town family will fill up this house

With no room to stir for even a mouse

Now the house is a buzz children run to and fro

Is the casserole burning? Dear turn the oven to low

I’m thinking that next year we’ll go out to eat

But Christmas won’t be Christmas if the house stays so neat

Does Ole St Nick work as hard delivering toys?

As I do for this feast that my family enjoys?

I just can’t stop this grand old tradition

If so just think of the fun we’d be missin’

True I love a proper and prim set table

Like might exist in a Rockwell picture fable

And I love to have family year after year

Sit and share in the holiday cheer

This season can be hurried and the cooking a scare

But everything always gets done by a hair

As the last guest drives away clear out of sight

A Merry Christmas its’ been again tonight.